walking back tonight

we had englisch stammtisch again this week, so that was nice.

last week, technically we met, but was in another bar, then that was too crowded so we went somewhere else even, and then i was the only one who spoke english natively, so we just all spoke in german. it was good and all, but not the regular englisch stammtisch (which i prefer spelling with the c in english).

so i was walking back for the first time in almost a month and i remembered the feeling of driving back to wichita from college. it was strange seeing all the familiar signs and places, especially as i got nearer. for wichita it was the sign to newton, the old christian radio station on the side of highway-96, driving down maize road sometimes. tonight it was the restaurant place with a petting zoo i'll probably never visit, the church fredrich schiller was married in, the house with the big gummy bear light at the fence, the house with the hops growing on the fence (all well past blooming or frozen to death).

i think i'll always find it strange doing old things again. it's that sort of vague muscle memory that guides your effortlessly through a task that brings a hint of nostalgia, even where it's not really necessary.

as i walked i wondered if that's why i find my walk of faith so strange. i've been on this path pretty much my whole life. reading the bible is routine, praying is remembered, even my doubts are well worn paths. things have become so comfortable that they are strange to me.

that doesn't mean i want to push them aside, not anymore than i want to quit returning home. it just means that the familiar still is not something i am used to for some reason. not really a comment on how things can change or improve, just a sharing of the way things are.

.jrs.