the revelation of jacob

so maybe i'm not on some island, maybe i havenot supped with our Lord, maybe i'm not waking up to see horses and fire and crazy things all around. . .

but i do listen to good music, and i've been thinking of things for a while.

where do i begin?

first of all, i'm really unsure of my readership, that that i do not trust you all, i just don't know who you all are. seriously. does anybody read this other than dustin?
i just had to get that off my chest so i can start.

so what comes to follow are the feelings and ideas i've had concerning the future lately. when i was bringing my high school years to a close, i would have honestly told you i couldn't see myself past 18. all i saw was this nebulous black cloud of future. i thought maybe that meant i was destined to die before my nineteenth year, or at the very least sometime still with youth.

a couple years passed, i added candles to the cake, and i think it was when i was 20. . .1? 21? yeah, that i felt like i had my 18th birthday all over again. three years later and i still had no clue where i was headed. i was deep in the future cloud i had once seen looming on the horizon, and felt left to no end.

i remember the exact situation when i thought i had my second eighteenth birthday, but that's not important right now. suffice it to say, i haven't felt much guidance or direction for the past four or five years.

(funny, i was once told to write down where i wanted to be in five and ten years. i think i actually wrote this down, but i still never really believed it)

so when my eyes began to open over the past few months, i was a bit taken aback. i cannot say i fear anything about the future, but i am still unsure of it. i also would be out of place to say i have firm plans or grand ideas, but i do have ideas that seem wonderful to me.

so please, if you are in fact reading, enjoy what is to come. it might just be some self-fulfilling prophecy.

.jrs.