today i am frustrated

sometimes i feel so incapable of learning what i need to learn.

i'm already quiet, so when i don't know how to say what i would say, it's like entering a black hole of communication. everything is just sucked into a void.

sucky.

i'm not sure if i've ever practiced something until i've been really good. that frustrates me even more. i have no track record of improvement.

goodnight.
goodmorning.
goodnight.
goodmorning.
goodnight.

.jrs.

with one hand he giveth, and the other he smacketh thee across the face

jk. but seriously, it's been a while since i last posted. and before that i had a double-day.

inconsistent. yes. but i'll try to stay consistently inconsistent.

i've actually been writing still, i just put it onto a newsletter instead. that's right, november's letter is well under way. prepare to be fall-en. i really love the colors of fall sometimes. oh well, it is to come. i'll probably rip the stories from there and put them here and replace them to keep it well up to date.

times are really starting to pick up. i need to start getting my visa situation dealt with so i can get a bank account here and start being a part of this place. i'm still in a bit of a no-man's-land. like i've said before, though, it's acceptable for now, but not for long.

my friend pointed out the other day that i am technically living in your future. as i write, most of you are enjoying your friday afternoon and i the night. it should be a tame night, joel has soccer in the morning. it's an away game so he'll be up around 6.30 to leave, and it's the first day of his fall break (a whopping two weeks!).

anyway, drop me an email if you wanna hear more. i love to chat, but hate to drag this thing on too long. you know were to find me.

.jrs.


if you don't, it's jacobrstarkey@gmail.com

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html

[A]   watch the video on the link in the title and tell  me what you think.

[B]   I'm wearing my glasses now.  I've been wearing the same glasses for the past 9 or 10 years, of course with some changes in perscription.  To be fully honest, this pair I've only had for 8 years or so, but the style is the same.

So much has changed about me, but my glasses have not.  

I had my eyes checked recently, and talked with my parents about getting new glasses.  Just barely on the edge of adulthood, I could probably still get that by without problem.  We were going to do it even, but never did.  I looked at myself in the mirror and saw all of the same things I've seen for so long.  They're round, fully rimmed, a bit uneven looking on my face.  

But then I realized that I wanted them.  I made the choice to have them as my glasses.  This will be who I am now.  Maybe I'll change glasses later, but I decided these are the ones I want.

It's nice believing that you like something.  I'm not saying I had to talk myself into it;  I just had to believe it, and I do.  To be quite honest, it is liberating.

.jrs.